After all is said and done, I have distilled my approach in each area to three words: Towards What End? 

That question is as the core of my supervisory, coaching and mentoring conversations. Towards What End are you working in the way you work? Towards What End did you implement program A or B? Towards What End are you learning a certain new approach? Towards What End are you teaching this subject and in this way?

Towards What End isn’t a one-time question. It’s a way of thinking that I use in my practice as an educational leader, a manager, a coach and a mentor. And even when a client or someone who works for me answers the question, it’s often followed up by another Towards What End question.

There’s a method to it: Building the capacity to be a thoughtful professional and person; becoming reflective in our work and lives; and being vision driven in all things.

How about you? Do you have a question or statement that drives your work and your life? A question or statement that defines your approach to supervision, management, coaching or mentoring?

What I was (and am) curious about is the sense of lightheartedness with which we retell the Passover story. Lightheartedness and humor are not new to the Jewish experience. I would even suggest that the entire book of Esther, for example, is a somewhat tongue-in-cheek telling of a story that entertains us even as we recognize the unlikelihood of the events having a basis in historical events. So when, in the past few decades, the very serious nature of biblical plagues came to be represented by our generation’s contributions to the Seder — wind up jumping frogs, ping pong balls as hail, toy rubber locusts, 10 plague finger puppets and such — the playfulness that was introduced was not totally foreign to our Jewish experience.

We take our Jewishness, Jewish values, Jewish aspirations, and Jewish texts seriously. And we take it with a healthy dose of play and playfulness. Play and playfulness are part of the Jewish experience of today and tomorrow. They were always part of our Jewish education, at least in early grades. We’ve now taken it up to all ages and moved them into some parts of our ritual life.

In a recent conversation with a synagogue’s leadership, I asked whether the congregation had a sense of joy and celebration in its services. We talked about how synagogue music had often been in minor keys, which, to the American ear, at least, sounds nostalgic or even mournful, rather than joyous. “What would it be like”, I asked, “if all synagogue tunes were in a major key?”, which, to our ears, sounds more celebratory. What if the tunes sounded playful, much like the tunes used to read the book of Esther on Purim or to sing Chad Gadya at the Seder?

I’ve challenged communities to reclaim Yom Kippur as a day of joy. That’s right, joy. The Talmud tells us that Yom Kippur was a solemn day (which is misinterpreted by many as a sad day). And it also teaches that it was one of the happiest days of the year, as people celebrated their sins being forgiven.

So, I’m a big fan of celebration and of lightening up the Passover story at the Seder, even if it may chop away some of the terror of the plagues. The joy and celebration of people coming together to renew a tradition that aspires to inspire a better world is far too important to not be taken seriously and expressed joyously. And I look forward to my next study session with the good reverend, where we can reflect on the experience and compare notes on how to use our faith and community traditions to fix our world joyously.

All who are hungry, come and eat. All who need, come and partake of the Passover offering.

With these words, the Passover Seder begins the story of the retelling of the Exodus from Egypt. Before joining in the festive meals, we invite those who are hungry to join us. Before we join in the ritual, we invite those who are in need to join in the ritual with us.

Two sentences reflect two related needs. In the first, we invite those experiencing physical hunger to partake with us. In the second, we invite those in need to join with us to meet their spiritual need. The two go hand in hand. The hungry and needy have both physical needs as well as spiritual and emotional needs. We enter the holiday of freedom by doing a check-in to make sure that both sets of needs are being addressed.

Looking around us today, we see those in need, perhaps more than any time in our lives. The economic situation of the past few years has been catastrophic for so many here and throughout the world. And disasters, both natural and man-made have impacted poor and wealthy alike. The result has been hunger and poverty that have reached people across all lines.

In the days before Passover, please join in reaching out to those who are needy, responding to physical, emotional and spiritual needs. Look around. See who needs a meal or an emotional boost or a taste of the spirit that can help his/her healing. Reach out in a way that you haven’t before. Stretch a little extra this year.

May you and your loved ones be inspired by the story of those who struggled for freedom in ancient times.

Best wishes for a chag sameach, a happy and blessed Pesach holiday,

Arnold D. Samlan

HOT TOPIC: Is content or connectedness more important to Jewish identity today?

JEWISH CONNECTIVITY: THE GOAL OF JEWISH LEARNING TODAY
by Arnold Samlan

When I began my career, the primary focus of Jewish learning was content mastery. One could
master Tanach, Talmud, Hebrew literature, Jewish history. Our metrics for success were
longitudinal outcomes: graduates’ memberships in campus life and in adult synagogues, future
support of Jewish causes, and reduced interfaith marriage.

Along came the Information Age. Our quest for content mastery was helped by technologies
that put content into convenient places, cross-referenced and hyperlinked. Yet, as all this great
content became easily accessible, infinitely more content appeared. With that came the
realization that nobody was going to be able to be the kol bo, the person who could master
everything. As the ability to access Jewish knowledge was flattening the playing field, people
looked to create their own personal brand of Jewishness and Judaism. Finally, there was
recognition: Dues memberships no longer effectively measured success and that interfaith
marriage was no longer universally accepted as a measure of failure.

With this arose the growth of networks and collaboration. The new wisdom became: Since you
can’t know everything, know more people. Fill in blanks in your knowledge and in your Jewish
life using technology and your network.

In practical terms, I know good amount of Talmud, but am history-challenged. If I need the
historical context that tells me why an ancient rabbi ruled on an issue in the way that he did, I
can crowdsource it. Someone in my network will know the answer.

And our students? They, too, cannot master all content they need to lead exceptional Jewish
lives, given challenges of time, budgets, and such. What they can master are skills and
motivation linking them to Jewish knowledge, Jewish wisdom, and the Jewish people. Along
with that must come the ability and desire for Jewish learners to create their own paths,
balancing what it means to be an individual Jew with what it will mean to be part of an
emerging Jewish community of the future.

My humble opinion is that the goal of Jewish learning today is to build the connectivity — the
capacity — that empowers Jews to connect to other Jews, Jewish families, Jewish
communities, and Jewish wisdom and knowledge.

Being a Connected Jew

I propose defining new success measures in these areas:

Connectedness to the Jewish people:

• Connectedness to Jewishness.
• Connectedness to Jewish historical experience.
• Connectedness to Judaism.
• Connectedness to Jewish texts, wisdom, and values.

Connectedness to the Jewish people:

• Number and percentage of Jewish friends and social contacts.
• Participation in tzedakah under Jewish auspices and/or benefitting Jewish recipients.
• Participation in Jewish community events and organizations.
• Following news related to Jewish communities and to Israel.
• “JEWDAR” – The ability to spot other Jewish individuals and to find one self in a group of
• Jewish individuals in social settings.

Connectedness to Jewishness:

• Visiting Israel.
• Reading Jewish authors who write about Jewish characters or Jewish concerns.
• Owning Jewish or Israeli art and music.
• Consciously purchasing Israeli products.
• Inviting those who are not Jewish to partake of Jewish events or observances.
• Engaging in family conversations around issues of Jewish interest.
• Connectedness to the Jewish historical experience:
• Relationship to the Jewish calendar – Connectedness to Jewish holidays, ancient and
• modern.

Connectedness to Jewish historical events – Knowing the major events in the history of
the Jewish people and affective connection to those events.

• Involvement in Jewish genealogy – Curiosity about one’s ancestry.
• Connectedness to modern historical events – The Shoah and birth of the State of Israel
• are recent enough to warrant special mention as events to which the connected Jew will
• have a particular affinity.

Connectedness to Judaism:

• Participation in Jewish rituals, such as fasting on Yom Kippur, attending a seder, reciting
• blessings, lighting a Hanukkah menorah.
• Using Shabbat and Jewish holidays to mark time and to rest (however s/he defines it).
• Observance of some level of kashrut and/or Eco-kashrut.
• Participation in Jewish study
• Having a mezuzah on the door of his/her home.
• Increasingly the practice of mikva, long the domain of only the Orthodox (and even
• there, not universal), is entering the mainstream as a feature.

Connectedness to the Jewish wisdom, texts and values:

• Ownership (and actually opening) a Tanach.
• Ownership (and reading) Jewish books: classical as well as contemporary Jewish wisdom
• and knowledge.
• Regularity of visits to websites dedicated to Jewish wisdom and texts.
• Participation in volunteer work that is motivated by Jewish values.

Jewish Connectedness –Why Be Jewish?

The goal of all Jewish learning must be to build the capacity of all Jews to connect. That
connectivity requires social skills, technological skills, and critical thinking. It also requires a
shared vocabulary (including basic Hebrew knowledge) and shared cultural expectations. The
knowledge to be mastered today is that which gives the Jewish people the ability to play in the
same sandbox, including understanding the shared stories that define us.
In today’s world, why be Jewish at all?

1. Being Jewish provides a lens through which to see the world. Being Jewish is not there to
close us off from our neighbors (or spouses or other family members who are not Jewish); it
is a way of relating to them that is grounded in our experience.
2. Jewishness is a means to an end – the goal of a peaceful world, one in which human needs
are met.
3. Jewish peoplehood, as expressed in community, is a powerful model for other peoples of
the world.
4. Being Jewish is a path towards the Godly, the holy.
5. As Jews, we contribute to the cumulative wisdom of the world in which we live. Our
people’s wisdom and literature are a part of humanity’s wisdom.
Let’s join forces in looking for how to best educate connected Jews for an exciting Jewish
future.
You are encouraged to share this article with colleagues. We ask only that you let people know that this article originally
appeared in NewCAJE’s online journal, The Jewish Educator. Other articles on this topic may be found on the NewCAJE
website, www.newcaje.org.
Rabbi Arnold D. Samlan is founder of Jewish Connectivity (www.JewishConnectivity.com), a
consulting and Jewish Life Coaching practice. An innovative and creative Jewish educational
leader and rabbi, his programs and teachings impact learners, leaders, and professionals
nationally. His podcast, Meet Me at the Tzomet (Intersection), connects challenges of everyday
life to Jewish wisdom ( http://jcastnetwork.org/Tzomet).

Sorry, You Didn’t Get the Gig…This Time

We will all have our share of grants we didn’t receive, essay contests we didn’t win, consulting proposals that weren’t accepted and jobs given to others instead of to us. It’s part of life. And the more that a person enjoys putting himself out there and trying new things, the more it will happen.  And whether you’re a grant seeker, a blossoming writer, an entrepreneur or a job hunter, there is much to be learned from the opportunities that got away. Each experience gives us a better sense of how we can be of value and is a challenge to keep trying.

The best organizations are the ones that communicate the “rejection” message in a clear way. Sadly, many companies (for profit, nonprofit, and governmental) look for shortcuts in their practices and writing a thoughtful “rejection” (or indeed, communicating to an applicant that they didn’t get the job) is one of the practices that have fallen by the wayside in many cases. Fact is, writing a good “rejection” is actually good business, and here’s why:

• Most people (or organizations) who have taken the time to write a thoughtful essay, send in an intelligent proposal or apply for a position have something positive to offer. Sending a “rejection” says to them, “Thanks for taking the time to think of our organization. While we didn’t give you the opportunity you hoped for, your application started a relationship. Think of us again when you want to buy our product or use our services. Or maybe even when another opportunity presents itself.”
• We live in a world that is smaller than most of us realize. In addition to that applicant being a potential customer, s/he may show up working for a company that your organization wants to collaborate with. They could even end up as COO of the company that buys your company out. Writing something to say “sorry we couldn’t bring you on board” leaves that person with a more positive view of your organization than simply pretending s/he never applied.
• If your organization cares about the field it is in (and not simply about its share of the market), you want the best people working in it. A well thought out letter or email can communicate how the applicant can best prepare himself for the next opportunity, or can suggest other directions s/he might want to consider for his/her future.
• Your organization’s correspondence can clarify your intention. Do you want the person to apply again? Would you like them to simply leave you alone? Are you interested in meeting with him/her, just to learn more about them? This is the chance to communicate it.

Finally, sending correspondence thanking the person for his/her time is just plain common courtesy. It says that your organization is a class act.

And after all, don’t you want your organization to be a class act?

Envisioning a Rav/Jewish Life Coach for Jewish Day Schools

Jewish day schools should create Jewish Life Coach positions, and, in many cases, incorporate Rav Bet Sefer and Jewish Life Coach positions.

A number of streams led to this proposal:

• In the 19^th century, the Musar movement within Judaism was founded. It emphasized personal growth of the Jewish soul
• As part of the Musar movement, many yeshivot created positions of mashgiach ruchani, rabbis whose role was to serve as spiritual life guides for students
• In the late 20^th century a number of American day schools created positions of rav bet sefer, which often included serving as the official rabbi of the school, as well as student advisor or counselor, along with curriculum and teaching responsibilities
• In the late 20^th century, day schools became more than simply schools. Schools increasingly saw education of the whole family as part of its mission. Education was no longer confined to the classroom as day schools initiated experiential programming, social events and other approaches
• Whole person learning and social and emotional learning gained importance to the point of being almost universally recognized purviews of education today
• The Emanuel school in suburban Syndey, Australia created the position of Jewish life coach
• As life coaching became more popular, a number of coaches and rabbis began to blend Jewish values and insights with the practices of coaching

Last week, a conversation on Twitter led to a more serious discussion of what the practice of Jewish Life Coaching (which could overlap with the Rav Bet Sefer role in many cases, but need not be) in a Jewish day school would look like.

These first thoughts are meant to be the beginning of a discussion among those involved in Jewish day schools to flesh this out.

A Jewish Life Coach in a day school would feature the following components (with gratitude to Deborah Grayson Riegel for her valuable ideas):

• Working with individual students, groups of students and families in mapping out their Jewish life journeys, in a modern iteration of the mashgiach ruchani
• Helping students and families to make informed Jewish life choices, with an emphasis on individual Jewish choices, rather than an orientation towards a specific set of authoritative Jewish practices or approaches
• Using approaches such as that of the Positive Psychology movement to strengthen students and  families – an approach that builds on the existing strengths of students and families, rather than on a medical model that identifies illness or dysfunction
• Coaching students and families in developing lives of meaning built on Jewish spirituality
• Educating students, faculty and families in how to use Jewish wisdom, texts and insights in approaching their complex lives and challenges
• Interfacing and leading the faculty in orienting learning towards growth of each child’s neshama, so that s/he is better positioned for lives in which s/he makes a difference in the community and the world
• Coaching of faculty in developing their personal and professional lives, and could be a corollary to career coaching [distinct from coaching of teachers in their teaching practice, which is already part of many schools]
• Coaching of school leadership to become more effective as Jewish leaders

Some rationale for the use of coaching in day school education (and I am grateful for the contributions of Maxine Chopard of the Emanuel School:

• Coaching is a natural fit for the type of whole person learning that is part of Jewish day school education
• A coaching approach, unlike many counseling approaches, supports students’ growing autonomy, recognizing their abilities
• Because Jewish day schools run on a Jewish life platform, a coach is able to draw from the strings of students’ rich cultural/religious tapestry and use them to help students weave their paths
• Coaching in a Jewish day school would give the opportunity to use metaphors and language from Jewish religious and cultural traditions and texts in helping students and families in responding to challenges and in shaping their life journeys
• Coaching can be a powerful tool in the work of social and emotional learning and growth that is an important part of (Jewish) education

This is the beginning of a conversation about a coaching model for Jewish day schools. Please join the conversation by leaving comments here.

A rabbinic colleague raised the question of whether we can or should teach our children that they are safe. I don’t know the answer. At the same time, I do believe that the Jewish tradition gives all of us, whether we are Jewish or not, a great tool for strengthening our children as they face a world that is insecure and, too often, unsafe: blessing our children each week.

In the Jewish tradition, children are blessed on Friday night. But you don’t need to be sitting at a formal, traditional Sabbath table to do it. You can stop wherever you happen to be and bless them. And certainly, if you’re not Jewish, you can use any day or night in your week to do so. Traditionally, parents place their hands on their children’s heads to bless them in person. But I’ve also blessed my kids over the phone and via Skype. And while it’s a parental blessing, I’ve always felt free to bless campers and youth group members when I’ve been in charge of them over a weekend.

There are traditional biblical verses that are recited [May God bless and watch over you. May God cause His countenance to shine on you and be gracious to you. May God lift His face to you and grant you peace]. But you don’t have to use them, or limit yourself only to these words.  You can do it in any language you desire.

And you can use the blessing as the time to assure your children that you will do anything and everything in your power to protect and support them and their lives.

It may seem like a small action to you, but it will mean a lot to your children. Think your kids are too old to want a blessing from their parents? Think again.

Reassure your children starting tonight. And wish them the blessings of peace.

According to my people’s tradition, it is all around us and sustains the world. Sometimes we are able to visibly see holiness – in the work of the Dalai Lama for peace, in the collaboration between President Obama and Governor Christie to look beyond political differences to respond to human suffering in the aftermath of Sandy, in the work of Peace Corps volunteers, and in the impact of organizations like American Jewish World Service and Avodah: The Jewish Service Corps.

Other times, the holiness is hidden or has not yet fully developed. But it is there. And one reason that the Jewish tradition requires us to recite at least 100 blessings daily is to train us to see the holiness and the miracles that surround us each day, but that we might otherwise miss.

Friday’s mass murders destroyed holiness and took holiness from the world. We know the holiness of the educators who work tirelessly to bring out the potential in every student every day of their lives, and we mourn their deaths. And we know that holiness lives in the souls of every child taken tragically from our midst. But we only know a part of their holiness, because their stories were halted violently and publicly.

Would one of the twenty kids murdered have discovered a cure for some type of cancer? Who would have become a doctor in a small town? Which were going to be among the next generation of teachers? How much would some of them have given to charitable causes during their lives? The actual and the potential holiness of their lives were taken from our world.

And we need to add holiness to our world, and quickly.

Not because we can replace theirs, but to replenish the world’s supply of holiness and to prevent the next angry and crazed person from grabbing guns and going out there to kill innocents.

You can add holiness by not keeping quiet when you see that kid or adult who seems like a little too much of a loner. S/he may need help desperately. Intervene.

You can add holiness by adding your voice to those who believe that there is a need to think through firearms laws. It may very well be true that, if firearms will be harder to obtain, that criminals will kill in other ways. But let’s have a dialogue and figure it out in as rational a way as we can. And yes, I want the NRA members and the gun control activists in the discussion.

You can add holiness by doing good things in the world in memory of these fallen children and educators. Add some activity that they might have done had they continued their lives. Teach, volunteer, give charity, work for a cause, make a difference in the world.

May their memories inspire us to put some of the holiness we have lost back into our world.

The Former Congregant

I recently learned the phrase “the former audience,” a term used to describe people who react to and act in a story as it unfolds rather than observing it. People today are empowered. “We did it!” Dora the Explorer sings from my TV to my preschool kids. (Talk about a “former audience”– now you have to talk to the TV instead of just watch it!) Today we can organize with like-minded individuals for a few minutes or many years, in person or online. We can raise money for our own causes and communicate with massive amounts of people through extensive networks.

Might leaders of synagogues think about “the former congregant”? As my colleague Rabbi Arnie Samlan points out, people don’t want to only receive services any more. They want to be a part of something bigger and take an active role in determining its direction.

Here’s my start at a chart comparing the former congregant of today to the congregant of generations past.

There are two crucial reactions for today’s Jewish leaders given this reality.

1. Figure out what your organization’s added value is. What do you have to offer that “former congregants” can’t do or find themselves? This can be anything from quality conversational Hebrew instruction in a community of friends to ongoing opportunities to make a meaningful contribution to the local community. It can be spiritually uplifting worship or a place that stands for counter-cultural values. Decide why people would need or want to be a part of your organization, and do that well.
2. Share. Adopt a generous attitude towards resources, partnership, information and leadership. Holding your cards close to your chest is a sure way to find yourself alone at the table while the rest of the gang has left to join a pick up game of basketball. Instead, practice “open source Judaism.” Allow leaders to emerge, help them to implement their ideas and bring together their networks.

Yesterday’s congregants have changed. Today’s congregations have to.

Wendy Grinberg is the founder and director of the Jewish Education Lab and clinical faculty at HUC-JIR’s New York School of Education. You can contact her at grinbergconsulting@gmail.com